Friday, December 19, 2008

Year in Review

Welp, it's been quite a year! There have been so many struggles, trials, and triumphs this year! I'll do my best to keep it as brief as possible...

The beginning of 2008 was, for the first time in a long while, uneventful. Nothing new was looming on the horizon. There were no new adventures to be seen. Just the usual. Bob was in school and working. I was working. The kids were growing. In April, Luke celebrated his first birthday. In May, Destiny and Staci turned 8 and 4 respectivly. And then, we made a huge decision. Bob decided to go to Basic Training and AIT instead of waiting for ROTC training only. He left on June 4 and was gone until December 11. For six months, I was a single, working mommy. And man was it hard. But I was quite surprised at how well the children handled it. They are such strong little beings. We cried for a few days and then, as if by magic somehow, the kids healed up and moved on. They would talk about Daddy. They would ask when he was coming home. But they also stepped up to the plate and did their thing. Destiny continued being my "little mama." She helped me so much. I'm very convinced that this child has a calling in working with small children.
Jon played football this year and he loved it. I had a blast watching him run the wrong way on the feild (on several occasions) and joking around with his team mates. I swear his smile can light up the entire field (or maybe I'm just biased!)
Staci and Dee both tried ballet...and both decided it wasnt' for them (HA!) Dee is now taking violin and loving it. She had her first concert this week.
Luke is now talking up a storm. His favorite word at the moment is "ball." He loves playing with balls! Footballs, basketballs, it doesn't matter. He is such a little doll and the light of all our lives. Teresa was commenting the other day on how she noticed that Luke was the catalyst that set off healing for many members of our family. Jon, the boy who never showed emotion or feelings is now, in part due to Luke's arrival, loving on everyone...Destiny who wasn't shown true love and adoration in the first few years of her life, is now better at taking care of kids then I am! And Staci now has a buddy to play with and doesn't feel left out. And of course, Bob and I are continuing to heal from the years of pain and suffering through the infertility.
You wouldn't believe how different Bob is. The man lost near 70 pounds in a year. He's now an incredibly physically fit person and is working on a new goal: to get a commission as an officer in the Army and take on an active Army position. This should happen in the next 2-3 years. He will complete his degree and recieve ROTC training. He is very proud of himself (as are we!)
I also find myself very happy and proud. I can't believe I survived 6 months as a single mommy. While Bob was gone, I went through surgery to remove more endo, began Lupron treatments, got Dee through a very tough time (thank you counseling) and supported my husband through the toughest time in his life. Yay! Now on to making one of the hardest decisions I ever have: when is the hysterectomy? I have been told by both my doctors (the RE and OB/GYN that this surgery is in my near future.) The biggest question is whether or not we will try for one more baby....That is still a part of the unknown...

So on we go into another new year and new adventure! I hope that everyone is doing well. Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers. We think of you often and miss you. Much love!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

10 more days!

In just ten days, Bob will be coming home! Granted he has to leave after only three days, but then he'll be home for good in December! This whole experience has been so strange for me. Never did I ever think that I would be able to make it as a military wife. Never. I'm not that strong. I swear I'm not. But here we sit, the house isn't totally destroyed, the kids are alive and well, and I'm ok. I think.

Now needless to say, I have had my moments! Those times when you run to your room, shut the door and tell the kids, "Mommy needs a timeout!!" And then proceed to cry your eyes out from exhaustion and lonliness. Yeah. Those times were hard. You know that the kids know you've been crying but your supposed to be the strong one. Ouch man. Seriously. But I think those are the times when you band together as a family and say, "We can do this."

So here's the game plan: Bob's flight comes in on Thanksgiving morning. My mom will come to the house to help us cook and get ready, and then the kids and I, all dressed up, will go to the airport and give him a hero's welcome! I'm going to make a banner that says, "Welcome Home Soldier Medic!" and hang it in the house. So that day will be all giggles and smiles and food! And then on Friday, after we put up the Christmas decorations, he and I will go on a date. He's taking me to see "Twilight!" I'm so excited! I'm sure we'll also have dinner too. Saturday will be spent hanging out at home, loving the kids. And then I will take him to the airport Sunday for his flight back to Ft Sam Houston. And then we will wait for him to come home just 2 short weeks later. Thank goodness this time apart has gone by so fast. We both needed it too. But I can say I'm so proud of him for doing this. He's gone all the way and he's such a different person now. Aside from losing near 70 pounds, he's more motivated than ever before and has a new game plan for his life. He's even learned how to say no to me, bummer!

As for me, I'm ok. I've been on Lupron for 3 months now and Dr G is in shock that I've had virtually no side effects. WOO HOO! He also told me that if we decided to go through with Dr N's plan, he feels that it is possible I won't get hyperemesis again. But we'll see. We have to get Bob home and reoriented first before we can even begin to decide. But, if Dr N has his way, I'll be knocked up within 6 months of Bob coming home!

The kids are great. Luke has a bit of a cold, but nothing major. It just makes him a cranky bug. But mommy loves him through it!

oh and I've decided to try my hand at making white fudge...wish me luck!

Monday, November 03, 2008

Why're the spoons gone?

Ok, so you know in Pirates of the Carribean, when Jack and what's her name (Kiera Knightly) are stranded on that island and Jack realizes the rum is gone? So he keeps saying "Why's the rum gone?" I've got a new saying now that follows that lead: "Why're the spoons gone?"

Spoons disappear in my house. I kid you not. I've had to buy new spoons twice now and I recently discovered that they're gone agian. I get the feeling one of my darling children is throwing them away but can never catch it happening and no one will admit it. So I go to get cereal for them this morning and, lo and behold, I only have like 3 spoons in my house. "WHY"RE THE SPOONS GONE?"

Maybe I should switch to rum...

Sunday, November 02, 2008

If I knew then what I know now...

Hello all! Here's a quick update before I get to my thought of the day.

Luke: We are now wearing size 2t! He's 18 months old and doing great. He's beginning to talk a little more and finally has a full head of curly hair!

Staci: She is testing bounderies and moving from toddlerhood the childhood. I can't believe in just a few months she's going to be five. Poor thing is in a hard place. She still wants to be a baby, but at the same time being a big girl is so cool. LOL She told me the other day that she's going to be my baby girl forever. Oh I hope so!!

Jon: Can you believe my once quiet, shy little man is growing into a strong leader? I think we did the right thing giving him another kindergarden year. His teachers have nothing but great things to say about him, including the fact that he helps keep the other students in line!

Destiny: In bed right now with the stomach flu. My poor monkey started throwing up last night. She seems to be feeling better, but I'm leary about giving her food right now. Otherwise, she's great. She seems to be making some great strides right now. Beginning to like herself for who she is and not look to be liked by others. This is a big thing for me.

Bobby: He took his last paper test this week! He's almost finished. ONly five more weeks until he is home! (ok ok more like 5 1/2) OH and he's coming home for thanksgiving. We booked his flights last week.

Me: Bob is almost home. Enough said.

Have you ever wondered if things would have gone differently if you were wiser when you were younger? For example: When Bob and I were doing fertility treatments, I never really researched things. I didn't look into herbs or anything. Would that have made the difference? There are so many out there that help. Like Vitex and Chaste berry. And they have been used for centuries, so they must work. And with the hyperemesis. Why didn't I try red rasberry leaf tea? Would that have helped? I'm even wondering why I didn't use cloth diapers. Wouldn't it have been less expensive and better for the environment?

And here's the kicker: As a mom, and I hope it's normal, I find myself very tired and aggitated sometimes. It's not that it's too much. No. I get time to rest and the kids are wonderful. I think it's just the normal mom stuff. But as it comes, the aggitation, I tend to get snippy with the kids. I snap and find myself being cranky with them. Why? It's nothing they have done. And then I look back on it later and wonder why the fuss? It's not a big deal. If luke spills staci's drink because she left it on the table and not the counter, is spilled juice worth crying over? I should think not.

What if we could, like Merlin, live backwards? Would we really be wiser and happier? Or would things turn out totally different? I happen to be very happy with my life. I'm neither wealthy nor poor, I have my children, my job, my husband. There's nothing wrong with that.

So I digress knowing that I'll continue to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Maybe one day wisdom will show up on my doorstep. If not, i'm sure the kids will find perfectly good hiding places for those times when mommy just isn't herself....

Friday, October 24, 2008

Away for a while...

Ok so maybe I need to find some time to take up writing again. I feel like I missed out on so much. But when you're a single mommy to 4 small kiddos with DH away with the military, time is a luxury! As of right now, we have about 7 weeks left until he comes home. I can't wait! The kids really miss their daddy. With any luck, time will fly by. At least he'll be home for Christmas.

As for the kids, they are doing beautifully. Destiny is in second grade and has excellent grades! Jon is out right now watch High School Musical 3 with friends. Staci and Luke are snuggled into bed. Staci has ballet in the morning. Jon is also playing flag football.

I'll try to continue with the blog as best I can! Seems so silly to have it and not use it! Am hoping to get in touch with my fellow bloggers again! I miss you ladies!

Friday, April 25, 2008

One Year

In one year, we have experience a gambit of things. We have lived more than I ever thought possible.

I gave birth
I was able to function on no sleep for weeks
I loved more than I thought possible
I laughed more than I thought I could
I spent a week in the hospital...showering there so as not to miss a moment with my baby
I've worried more than I could even imagine
I danced with joy over a simple thing such as a baby crawling across the room
I giggled to hear Luke laugh and coo
I was exstatic to hear him say, "Hi" the first time
I cried with him as he teethed...and refused to sleep
I was overjoyed to watch him walk across the room the first time
I have laughed, cried, and rejoiced that my youngest is now a year old.

A year ago today, at this very moment, he was working his way into the world.

Happy Birthday, Baby! Mommy loves you!

Saturday, April 05, 2008

17 Weeks

Bob will be shipping out to boot camp sometime next month. He'll be gone for 17 weeks. I love that he's doing this for our family. But it's going to be so hard. 17 weeks as a single mommy to 4 kids. I was hoping to get a summer school teaching job, but I don't think I got one. My mom already recieved her summer school assignment and I havn't gotten anything. Oh well. I'll just have to find something else to keep me busy. (As if 4 kids won't do it!) We'll have ballet for the girls once a week, swim lessons for the boys, church camp is in July so Destiny and Jon will be gone for a week.

Will I be all alone? Nah. Between our parents and friends, I'm sure I'll be well taken care of. Bita will be here to help me and considering Dru is going to boot camp as well, she'll want to stay busy too! There's always the 4th of July parade, field trips with the Martins, oh my. I can do this, right?

And, don't tell my mom, since we're having a huge influx of cash in July, I'll be hiring someone to build me new cabinets for the kitchen since, apparently, the older ones are coming apart. Yeah, one fell off the wall. All dishes were inside. Glass everywhere. YIKES! So yeah, new kitchen here I come! So that will be July and August!

So I've got a plan. While Bob is running in the mud, I'll be running with the kids.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

Friday, March 21, 2008

This is normal...right?

I know I'm about to embarass myself, but here goes. I've got to vent this. It's just too hard to hide!

I'm frustrated. Yet again, my body is acting up. It seems as though last week I had a cyst burst on an ovary. Curious considering I've been on birth control for months. I was on the pill and still had tons of cysts so my reproductive endochronologist put me on the nuva ring. yeah. good try. apparently I'm still growing cysts. I also have this funny feeling I ovulated this month. So this isn't working. What the heck is next? I won't do depo...I won't do lupron. Great. Those are basically my only two options. I see my RE again in a month and I ahve to make some decisions. He's also talking about doing another laparoscopy to check on the endo because of my pain. More surgery. Just take the whole damn thing out please. Forget it all.

You know, believe it or not, I really liked being pregnant. It sucked like hell, but I loved it. I loved feeling Luke move and jiggle at 3:00 am. I loved giving birth. I love having a baby. It's been great. And now I feel like somehow I've been kept from ever doing it again. Don't take me wrong, please. I love all my kids and can't imagine a moment without them. But we're done having kids. I'm 28 and I'm done having kids. Bob doesn't want anymore and can you blame him? 4 is more than most people will ever have. ANd how blessed are we? Man, who do you know that has 4 wonderful kids? How many infertiles would give their hearts for that? Well, here I sit, for some reason, pining with baby fever. *rolls eyes* I'm an idiot. Luke is the absolute best "baby of the family." And at least I friggin got to experience pregancy, right? Yeah, what a pregancy too!

I have been told that if I ever get pregnant again, my friends and family will be skipping town. Apparently, hyperemesis and preterm labor were a lot for them to handle. Soooo, how can a person who has 4 great kids and had a horrendous pregnancy want to think about another in the future? What the hell? What's wrong with me?

I'm guessing I'm going through the same thing most middle aged women go through. They see the biological clock ticking away and think, "Maybe I just need to have one more before I can't anymore." And I'm not even 30. Dork. Ok, so lets take the time to remember that I almost lost Luke a couple of times...he could have been sick, hurt, or born way too early. God I hate this.

Doesn't help that I'm out of Lexapro and havn't been able to get to the doctor for a new script because I have no time. ANd I want another one? I can barely handle the ones I've got! *slaps hand on forehead*

Friday, March 14, 2008

Jon + IHOP + LOVE!

We went to IHOP this evening for dinner. It was soo much fun! Jon ate his heart out. He had:

1 egg
2 pieces of bacon
2 pancakes with strawberrries and whipped cream

That was from his plate and lasted all of 3.5 minutes. So then he continued on eating off everyone else's plates:

4 pieces of sliced chicken
some tilapia
some shrimp
AND he drank 2 glasses of lemonade!!!!!

I hadn't finished eating yet and had a stuffed peice of french toast on the side waiting to be eaten. Jon is eyeing it and says, "If no one eats that, it's gonna go bad." LOL He's too funny. I have never seen him eat so much! I bet he's in for a major growth spurt!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Let's go to bed early...*wink*

We've all done it. Let's face it. The whole, "we're going to bed early" ploy. There's usually a *wink* involved. But I've discovered there are two types of people who do this: The parents and the non parents.

NonParents do this when they're newly married. And we all know what that *wink means* (If not, see any book entitled the Birds and the Bees)

Parents do this when, well, they need some extra sleep. The wink means nothing any more. We're tired. Very very tired. There will be no birds and no bees. Just some good, old fashioned shut eye. Heck, we wouldn't even mind those cute little twin beds from TV series of yesteryear. All we want is rest. Not even a good cuddle is necessary anymore.

One of my buddies has a blinkie that says, "I am mom. I am tired." Amen sister.

I also got Luke a t shirt today that says, "My parents are exhausted."


Well, time for me to give Bob the old *wink* I need a nap.

Back in Business!

I went MIA for quite while! Short news: We are a busy couple! Bob is in school full time, in the National Guard, and I'm still working. Luke is crawling like a mad man, Staci has gone wild, Jon is learning learning learning in kinder, and Destiny is growing up so fast. Here are the stats:

Destiny is still a size 7/8
Jon is a 6/7
Staci is a 5/6 (yes you saw that right!)
And Luke is in 18 months

They're all gorgeous.

I'll be back in the swing of things now. I really feel like writing more and this is the best place for it.

See you soon!