Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Having a bad week...but doing okay.

It's been a tough week so far. We're still not sure when our babies are coming home and the wait is getting really tough. But how horrible is this...I'm almost glad. I'm so scared that I'm not going to be a good mom. Well, I know everyone must go through this. What if I'm not ready? What if? What if? But...I didn't know I could teach 8th grade either and I face my little monsters (whom I love dearly) every day! I want what's best for these kids, no matter what. I just hope I can give it to them.
I had a doctors appointment this week as well which for some reason really shook me up. I guess part of it was just being in that office again. The last time I was there, I was in the middle of fertility treatments/miscarriage/surgery. Maybe I wasn't ready to be back there again. I'm so happy about getting my children, but I guess I'm still mourning what might have been. My doc also told me that I'm a good candidate for Lupron injections. These lovely guys put your body into a menopausal state which hinders endometriosis growth and pain. I really want to go through menopause type stuff at 26? Can't you just see this! Patty, wouldn't you love for me to have my own little "personal summers!" Ha! I think I'll just stick with what I'm doing for now. I like living in my hot flash free zone right now thank you!
So I'll keep on pluggin and I'll be okay. My kids'll get home soon, I'll do the best I can as their mom, and I'll continue to grieve for a while. I bet that someday it won't hurt so bad anymore.
Wow, this was a depressing post. Sorry guys! I'll try to be more upbeat next time!


Anonymous said...

Hi Ivy, Don't worry just hang in there. You will be the greatest mother. Look at everything you've already done out of love for these kids, imagine when they're at home with you. I'm so proud of you for speaking your mind, I think most women go through this, most just don't say anything and deal with it by themselves. Love you, Diane

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