Monday, January 29, 2007


The word 'forever' has been on my mind a lot lately. Mostly because we finally, after all the waiting and waiting, watching and fighting, we have a court date!!! We will finalize the adoption of our children on Valentines Day. It's going to be a great day! It just so happens that our good friends will be celebrating the adoption of their son on the same day, in the same court, right after us!! I can't wait until this whole thing is finally done and over with.

So back to my word of the day:

The Random House Websters College Dictionary says that forever means "without ever ending...always."

As of Valentines Day, our kids will be ours 'forever."
We will be a forever family...
Nothing will ever separate us or come between us as a family.

So I finally have a forum to talk about something that has bothered me for a long time.
I have read elsewhere, in other blogs and forums, people critisizing the use of the phrase "forever family." It has been referred to as "corney" and "silly." It has been said that it just sounds too sappy. Well, that might be for some people, but for many, it is a phrase that means the world to them.

When our kids first came home, we were asked almost daily for the first two months if they were going to get to live with us "forever." These kids had been ripped away from not just one, but two homes. They had been moved hundreds of miles away from everything they had ever known. And all they wanted was to know that it would never happen again. And every once in a while, Destiny will say something like, "we get to stay with you forever, right mommy?"

Forever; always. Yes, baby, you get to stay with us forever. We are a forever family. You will never know that kind of heart ache again. You will never need to say good bye to us. We will 'always' be your mommy and daddy. And once that judge decrees it, we never have to look back.

You see, many people might find the use of the term 'forever family' silly, but to me and my children, it brings a sense of hope and security. To many children, it means never having to grieve another loss of family, it means they are safe in the arms of mom and dad.

And in just a couple of short weeks, we can finally call ourselves a forever family.
I like that word. Forever.
Did you know that in the Jewish tradition, biological children can be disowned but an adopted child can't? They are with that family forever, no matter what. No matter what they do, no matter where they go, they are always a part of that family. How awesome is that? A child who had nothing will always have something.

Adoption rocks.
And so does the word forever.

Monday, January 15, 2007

24 weeks!

Well, we're just about to hit 24 weeks!!!! I hate to sound morbid, but I love that I'm getting so far along. If something were to go wrong and I'd have to give birth, Luke has a much better chance at surviving and thriving.

I have my next doctor's appointment in 2 weeks and then another ultrasound in 4. He tends to make me nervous since he's not a big mover and shaker. I'm hoping this means he'll be a calm baby...

I had a bit of a relapse this weekend. Got real sick with tons of vomiting. I seem to be feeling better now. Poor Luke got quite upset during the vomiting episodes. I have to say it was a strange feeling to be throwing up and feeling Luke move around at the same time.

We've finally started collecting baby stuff. I was so scared for so long that I refused to buy anything for him. We now have some clothes, a bouncer, and his basinet! I love laying down on the couch staring at it. I still can't believe we're collecting baby stuff! I never thought I would see this day. Even when I got the positive pregnancy test, I just didn't think it would last. But my Mom did. She told me right away that this baby was meant to be and that he would be fine. She even knew, from the first time she saw me pregnant, that it was a boy. She could tell. My mom can always tell with me. And now I'm starting to believe her. I'm starting to believe that in a few months, I'll bring home a healthy baby boy.

On the adoption front, we got all our paper work into the attorney's office. We've had to put it off for so long due to the illness, but now we're full speed ahead! We're just waiting for the court date now...hopefully it won't take too long. I can't wait to get this whole thing done and over with. I'll be so happy when we're done building our family and can start living!

Well, not much more to say...except I'm going to try doing prenatal yoga today....wish me luck! Bobby's gonna watch and laugh.

Sunday, January 07, 2007


Okay, so I'll start this post with the teary eyed moment of the week:

We watched "Robin Hood: Prince of Theives" last night out of sheer Kevin Costner nostalgia. When the movie ended, the ever romantic Bryan Adams song "Everything I do, I do it for You" came on. Staci runs up to Bobby holds her arms up and says, "daddy! Dance!" So Bobby picks her up, starts to dance and sing to her, and I of course start crying my eyes out. It was so sweet. Staci just put her head on his shoulder and smiled as he sang to her. When the song was over, he put her down, walked into the kitchen, and almost cried. I don't think our hearts could have been fuller. I wanted to just live in that moment forever. *sigh*

So I've spent a lot of my new year thinking about the past and new beginnings. When 2006 began, we were starting over. We stopped the drugs and the treatments and the heartache and moved into a new light. And now, a year later, we have yet another new beginning on our hands. Our attorney is working on getting a court date for the finalization...we had to put it on hold while I was ill. I just can't wait until our kids can share not only our love, but our name as well. There's no doubt in my mind that these are our kids. They have totally taken over my heart and soul. I may be impatient sometimes, I may get frustrated, I may call my Mom asking for help for the afternoon sometimes, but I wouldn't want anything different for my life. It's just the way I imagined my perfect dream life to be.
I'm so incredibly thankful for all that I have. I came from a broken home, a single mom who worked and slaved to help us survive, and always knew that I wanted something different for my kids. I promised myself that I would get my education and marry someone who would be a great father. I told Bobby the instant he started talking marriage that he better decide if he really wants to marry me, because divorce was not in my future. I fell in love with him partly because of the love I saw between him and his father. I made a better future for myself...never knowing that together we would make a better home for my precious babies. I worked so hard for so long...and it was so worth it. I have an education and a job. I have my own house. Good cars. A terrific husband. I am so blessed to be able to give my children everything I missed. I always had food on the table and the love of my mom, but something was missing. And I thank God everyday that my kids never have to worry about how their dad feels about them. They know that they are his world. He loves them so much. He is a great Dad. I will always have the burden of knowing my Dad didn't want me around. But my kids will NEVER have to feel that. They are loved.
So I'm looking at 2007 as yet another start for not only my family but for myself. My goal for this year is to grow as a mom and as a person. I hope to continue on my path to a better life, a happy family, and a strong marriage. I believe that I can make my life what I want it to be...and I want to teach my children the same thing. Their lives are blank slates ready to be written on, and it will say whatever they want it to.

So here's to all the kids out there who are feeling lonely, left out, scared, and wondering what their lives will bring. It's up to you to make a change; and you can do anything you set your mind to.