Back in the Saddle Again!

I think I was three years old the first time I was set on a horse. I've been in love ever since. I love the way being on a horse makes me feel. I'm always free to think clearly and it relieves loads of stress. It's my second home. In fact, my mom loves to joke that I'm more steady on a horse than my own two feet! I can't walk a straight line, but I sure can hold my seat in the saddle! Yee haw!!!

Well, last weekend, I got my first chance to get on a horse since we started fertility treatments and it felt so good! I only got to ride in the round pin for about ten minutes, but it was great,like coming home again. The kiddos watched on the side of the round pin and pretended they were riding too, it was so cute! I'm ordering a helmet for Destiny and we're going to start riding lessons for her in the coming month. She's already my little rodeo queen!

I'm working at downloading pics of my on Shelley, but blogger is giving me some trouble. Shelley's my Mom's miracle. Shelley almost died two years ago. After having emergency surgery to remove her ovaries, it was discovered that
Shelley had cysts on her ovaries that were causing lots of trouble. She and I are kindred spirits.

Monday's Checklist

Okay, so here's my checklist for Monday:

Go to school district head office to get approval for Jon to enter preschool.

Call CPS to find out of approval for child care services funds
While on phone with CPS, find out if I have to fly to San Antonio this week to read case files or if they will send them to us and save me a trip (cross fingers.)

Call our SW to find our about develpmental check-ups and psychological eval results.

Go home and eat lunch, have quiet time.

During quiet time, clean house.

2:40 vision and hearing check-ups for all three kids.

??? Go home and scrounge something up for dinner.

Clean again.

Laundry.

Bathe children.

(have I hugged them yet today??)

Read to kids.

Bedtime.

Watch some of my Star Trek the Next Generation DVD's from the fifth season
(an I love you present from my wonderful honey who understands my need for this.)

Take lunesta to get myself to sleep.

Try not to twitch tonight.

Tuesday:
Start all over.

Have I mentioned how much I love being a mom?

;)

Rebirth

I've been rereading Memoirs of a Geisha and I came upon something that really struck me. Here's a quote:
"...now I understood the thing that had puzzled me all morning. The stale air had
washed away. The past was gone...I could do nothing to change it. But I suppose
that for the past year I'd been dead in a way too...I'm not sure this will make sense
to you, but I felt as though I'd turned around to look in a different direction, so that
I no longer faced backward toward the past, but forward toward the future."
Wow. I've been working for months to come up with the words to describe how I felt in January the day we decided to stop trying to get pregnant and adopt. It was like being reborn, having the world taken off your shoulders. It was one of the best and worst days of my life. But it was the moment that all my hurts began to heal instead of being repeatedly ripped open. And now I look at my life and my three children and I don't even have to wonder if we made the right decision (for us.)
Not long after the kiddos came home, Bobby told me that he'd always thought that even if we never had any children, our family would be complete. "But these kids filled a hole in my heart I didn't even know was there. I understand now. I understand how you felt."
So here we go, living our new lives, turned in another direction, looking towards the sun instead of towards the dark. And what a beautiful sunrise it is.

The Stress Has Hit the Fan

A few days ago, I started having what my doctor is calling tremors. While I'm sleeping, resting, or just sitting still, my body shakes. It usually lasts only a second or so, but it is scary. Almost like a siezure. It went on for ten hours the other night, so my doc prescribed Lunesta to help me sleep. Last night, I was out until about 2:00 am and then slept on and off. The meds did help calm my body down and I didn't shake as much. I have an MRI on my brain this afternoon and tomorrow I'll find out if I need to see a Neurologist. I'm sure it's all about stress...I go back to work in less than two weeks and I'm still not sure where Jon and Staci are going. I think I may have found someone I can trust as a nanny for Staci but I need a preschool for Jon too. The very fact that I'm going back to work and entrusting my kids with someone else is killing me. But the whole thing is scary, none the less.

It hasn't helped that Staci has some kind of infection and has been fussy for several days. I had to take her to the pediatrician yesterday. After two doses of tylenol, she still had fever and the infection had gotten into her eyes. Poor baby. She is such a good girl.

So for now I'm trying to rest as much as possible. Of course this means my house is a wreck and the kitchen is disgusting. But, I digress. I waited a long time to see tiny little shoes and matchbox cars laying all over my house. It's a sight of beauty to me. Just watch where your walking or you can add broken ankle to the list 'o' things wrong.

On a happier note, one of Bobby's best friends is getting married on Friday and Bobby's a groomsman. The wedding doesn't even start until 6:30, so it's parents' night out! The kids are staying with my in-laws for the night and I'll pick them up in the morning. Early. Like before the sun rises. ;)

Austin, Here we come!!!!!!!

So, we've decided to go to Austin, TX for National Adoption Day to finalize the kids' adoptions! This means we don't have to hire a lawyer (already done for you), transfer the case, red tape, red tape, red tape all gone! No waiting for a court date! All our Social Worker has to do is send our information to Austin and it's all done....we basically just show up! I'm so excited! So, November 18, we go to court and our babies will for the record, officially, be ours forever. Yahooo! Here's to a short wait, lots of fun, and a great trip to our state's capitol.

On the road again.....I can't wait to get on the road again!

The legend of the white sink

Once upon a time, there was a sink. A beautiful sink, the envy of the land. One day, a bright, funny, energetic, non-mom bought this sink to call her own. It was a wonderful sink. It had two quite large basins, was majestic and perfect in every way. It's new owner even bought it a gorgeous faucet to match the beauty of the sink. They were the perfect pair. The sink was a great friend to his new owner. It held all the dishes, looked pretty when it was empty, and shined all the time! What the sink didn't know was that three gorgeous kids were coming home to add to the beauty of the house. The poor sink begged, pleaded with it's owner, "Please don't let them near me!" But she didn't listen. Now the poor sink, the hero of our story and at one time the bright star of the kitchen, is just not white or shiny any more. Sinky is now turning a strange shade of brown (when you can see the bottom of it.) It also has silver lines on it revealing the exact places where the kids have scraped their dishes into the sink. It needs a good scrubbing with comet if the lady wants it to shine at all, but where, oh where, is there time for that?
Poor poor sinky. If only it's proud owner had bought it in another color. It's beauty might still be shining. But, alas, the beauty of the sink is no more. Never shiny, never proud, never empty. *sigh*

Post #2 for today...

Here's a story I wrote not long after the kids got home. Thought I'd share it with those of you who havn't read it yet.


Everything I need to know about being a Mom a learned from Sams Club.

So I had my first trip to Sam's Club as a Mom a few days ago. I was quite excited as Bob is a manager there and I'd get to see some of his co-workers and chit chat. I left the kiddos with my mother-in-law and headed into the Club with a light heart and lots of excitement. Bobby walkedwith me for a while and we talked as I loaded 500 pounds of meat into the cart. He then went back to work and I proceeded to shove the rest of the food into my cart. Quite a while later, as I was getting ready to go to the check out stands, Bob walks up and helps me with the cart (which now weighed about three tons.) We checked out and I got ready to take our food home!!! Now, before I go any further, I should note that our Sam's Club is under construction right now for a remodel. So that means the parking lot is a terrible mess. Okay, so I begin to walk out of the club and forget that there is a bit of a bump...I try to take it at an angle and 900 pounds of cart goes flying to the side and runs straight into a fence. (I should also tell you that there is only enough room for one person to get through at a time, so there are several people behind me waiting.) So I straighten out and make my way up a hill to my car. Twenty sore muscles and a sunburn later, I make it to thecar, my little Dodge Stratus that we bought two months before we found out about the kids and the reason we can't buy a van yet, open the trunk, and see the stroller amongst several other kiddy things taking up lots of room. I then peek into the backseat and am reminded that there are three car seats there. So with a lot of maneuvering that I learned from being a carry out as a teenager, I was able to fit my load of groceries into the car. I turn the car on, press the gas, and I swear I heard the car cry. So I had a pep talk with the car and was on my way. Once home, I realize that it is all up to me to get the food from the car to the house with out any bags or boxes. "Okay, I can do this." My mantra becomes, "I think I can I think I can I think I can." By some miracle, I get the food into the house pretty quickly. I walk over to the fridge, that by the way is used to holding a gallon of milk, a bottle of ketchup, and a carton of eggs, and begin to fill it. Now, after awhile, I can see the fridge figuring out what is going on. "Where is all that food going?" It asks me. Carefully I try to explain that it is the fridge and that's where food goes. "You want me to do what?! I can't hold all of that! I know your organization skills. You're gonna kill me!" I try to calm it down and resume filling it. After about an hour, even the dog, my most trusted friend, is laughing at me. So here's the point. There are so many things that we need to know about being a Mom. We need to know patience (my trip took about 3 hours total.) We need to have strength (I'm still sore.) But I think the biggest thing that we need as moms is encouragement and help. If I had let someone help me carry out the food, things may have been easier. If I had asked someone to go with me, I would have had help. I'm beginning to learn that there is no Supermom. I can't do everything and be everywhere. There's an old saying that says "It takes a villiage to raise achild." And it's true. It's okay to ask for help, it's okay to not have all the answers, there's someone out there to lift us up, love us, and encourage us. As long as we stand on Him and His promises, there's nowhere we can't go and nothing we can't do for our children

A look into the coming year....feeling nostalgic.

The closer the school year gets, the more excited I get about all the changes that have taken place this year and the things that will continue to change next year. We have, in one year, bought our first house and adopted three children. We've had ups and downs that could have destroyed our marriage, but they made it stronger. We are discovering the joys of parent hood and the love that comes with it. I have am making peace with who I am and how my body works (or doesn't work ;) ) It really is crazy how many changes can take place in just one short year.

And now a look into the coming year:
My children will be adopted into their forever family. Destiny will have another chance at success in school. Jon will recieve help with his speech and will hopefully get some physical therapy. Staci will continue to learn about her world and grow into a little girl instead of a baby. We will keep bonding...we will grow as parents and as a family. The kiddos will continue to heal, I will continue to heal. And we will have all the ups and downs families have. I can't wait! Even though being an instant mom of three is hard and there are times when I call my Mommy crying begging for help, I love my life. I love my children. I love being a mom. I can't wait to go camping for the first time. I can't wait to take the kids to the Grand Canyon, the Petrified Forest, and even just to Waco the meet my family. I can't wait for Destiny to read her first full sentence or for Jon to play soccer. I can't wait to finalize their adoption!

For so long, it was like I lived in pain and had to force myself just to breathe. Now, I don't know what I did to be so blessed. So many people have told me what a blessing it is for the kids that we are adopting them, but really, it's the other way around. They have blessed us in uncountable ways.

So, here's to a great school year!

That's it. Staci is officially two. She is now pouting and throwing herself on the floor when she doesn't get what she wants. Let me tell you how big that lower lip can get. It is sooooo cute!

We have a lot of stuff going on this week. Tomorrow our social worker comes out for a visit and CPS comes out of Friday. I hope Destiny takes it better this time. She was really bothered by the last visit and would not leave my lap. We had psychological evals today and I'm quite curious to see what he says. Man, I'm already tired.

Well, my wonderful husband just got home and is staring at me....I think I should go.

Bye for now.

Updates!!!!!

Oops! I didn't mean to take so long updating this blog! I find it difficult to keep track of time now a days. Well, our children have been home for over two months now! We've had so many successes with them. Destiny is totally and completely daddy's little girl. She''s also gaining strong bonds with both her grandfathers (bobby's dad and my step dad.) I'm so happy she is bonding with these guys. she needs to know that she can count on the men in her life. Both Destiny and Jon have psychological testing tomorrow. It's hard to say how I feel about it. Not really nervous, I just want it to be over. I've started talking to them about what their new middle names will be. They're processesing it right now, I'm not sure how they feel yet. Staci is really working at the potty training thing. It'll take some time, but she's doing great. She has more successes than failures, which is wonderful considering she's only just turned two.
We got some adoption paper work the other day, but we need to have some more things done before we can fill them out. It's our first step towards adoption and we couldn't be happier.
I can honestly say that I am totally and completely in love with these children. Every day is such a blessing to me. I've gone from being totally empty and broken to having all my dreams fulfilled. I can only hope that I can be a good Mom for them. They deserve to have so much. When I listen to them laugh, my heart skips a beat. As I watch them run around the house and play, I feel like I'm living in joy. My absolute favorite time of the day is when Bobby gets home. I love to hear the kids yelling "DADDY! DADDY!" as he walks in the door.

Jon had his first birthday party with us yesterday. He had a blast. Of course he had to have a Superman party! He had his cousins over and some friends. They ran and played and made a complete mess! He about had a fit when he saw his Superman cake. It was just too cute.

I hate that I'm going back to work in a few weeks. I'm still trying to decide what to do with Jon and Staci. Destiny will be going back to kindergarden, but I need to find a preschool for Jon and daycare for Staci. I should hear from CPS soon whether or not they have found some money to help us out with that. THey're looking for it right now. If I can just get some help with Jon's preschool, it would really help. Next year will be easier when he can go to school with Destiny.

I can't even begin to describe just how much I have enjoyed becoming a Mom. It still seems wierd to have someone call me Mommy, but I'm starting to figure it out. I'm not sure if I've truely given up on someday getting pregnant, but we'll see in time.

I'll try to be better at posting here. There are a bunch of people that I just don't have the ability to keep in close contact with. I'll do better! I promise.