Okay, so I'll start this post with the teary eyed moment of the week:
We watched "Robin Hood: Prince of Theives" last night out of sheer Kevin Costner nostalgia. When the movie ended, the ever romantic Bryan Adams song "Everything I do, I do it for You" came on. Staci runs up to Bobby holds her arms up and says, "daddy! Dance!" So Bobby picks her up, starts to dance and sing to her, and I of course start crying my eyes out. It was so sweet. Staci just put her head on his shoulder and smiled as he sang to her. When the song was over, he put her down, walked into the kitchen, and almost cried. I don't think our hearts could have been fuller. I wanted to just live in that moment forever. *sigh*
So I've spent a lot of my new year thinking about the past and new beginnings. When 2006 began, we were starting over. We stopped the drugs and the treatments and the heartache and moved into a new light. And now, a year later, we have yet another new beginning on our hands. Our attorney is working on getting a court date for the finalization...we had to put it on hold while I was ill. I just can't wait until our kids can share not only our love, but our name as well. There's no doubt in my mind that these are our kids. They have totally taken over my heart and soul. I may be impatient sometimes, I may get frustrated, I may call my Mom asking for help for the afternoon sometimes, but I wouldn't want anything different for my life. It's just the way I imagined my perfect dream life to be.
I'm so incredibly thankful for all that I have. I came from a broken home, a single mom who worked and slaved to help us survive, and always knew that I wanted something different for my kids. I promised myself that I would get my education and marry someone who would be a great father. I told Bobby the instant he started talking marriage that he better decide if he really wants to marry me, because divorce was not in my future. I fell in love with him partly because of the love I saw between him and his father. I made a better future for myself...never knowing that together we would make a better home for my precious babies. I worked so hard for so long...and it was so worth it. I have an education and a job. I have my own house. Good cars. A terrific husband. I am so blessed to be able to give my children everything I missed. I always had food on the table and the love of my mom, but something was missing. And I thank God everyday that my kids never have to worry about how their dad feels about them. They know that they are his world. He loves them so much. He is a great Dad. I will always have the burden of knowing my Dad didn't want me around. But my kids will NEVER have to feel that. They are loved.
So I'm looking at 2007 as yet another start for not only my family but for myself. My goal for this year is to grow as a mom and as a person. I hope to continue on my path to a better life, a happy family, and a strong marriage. I believe that I can make my life what I want it to be...and I want to teach my children the same thing. Their lives are blank slates ready to be written on, and it will say whatever they want it to.
So here's to all the kids out there who are feeling lonely, left out, scared, and wondering what their lives will bring. It's up to you to make a change; and you can do anything you set your mind to.