Friday, November 17, 2006

That's it. I just can't be normal.

Sorry it's been so long. I've been trying to wait until I feel good before I post. I'm just not the type of person who wants to write about how terrible life is and how bad I feel. But it seems as though things may not change for a while.

I am a terrible infertile.

I struggled and struggled for this pregnancy and now I realize that I don't like it. And it doesn't like me back.

I have something called hyperemesis. Only about 2% of pregnant women get this. It's a severe form of morning sickness. I basically stopped eating and drinking and was admitted to the hospital a few weeks ago. I stayed there for 8 days and have been told by my doctor that he will admit me again if I stop eating again. I'm on five different medications to help me eat and keep food down. I have fainting spells,, low blood pressure, dizziness, and have zero energy. AND I'm feeling better than I have in two months. I am now eating and have gained about 4 pounds in the past three weeks. I had lost over 10% of my pre pregnancy body weight. For most women, this goes away in the second trimester. I'm now at 15 weeks and my doctor told me Wednesday that chances are, it's here until I deliver. I'm on medical leave from work for who knows how long and am told that under no conditions am I to drive. So I'm basically good for nothing except laying in bed all day. I suck.

Poor Bobby is having to do a lot of the work. He's just gotten a promotion at work and is at a really critical time, he has to drop the kids off at school and daycare and pick them up, feed them, clean house (okay, he hired a maid for that!) and every thing else in between. I'd love to keep Staci with me during the day, but I just can't do it yet. We may have to change Jon's school because picking him up is becomming and issue. I wish with all my heart I could help him.

The baby is okay. I got to see Squirt about two weeks ago and it was kicking and moving around. It'll probably have low birth weight due to my sickness, but other than that it doesn't seem to have been affected. I'm not really showing too much yet, what with being so sick, but hopefully we'll grow soon. The day after I was able to eat solid foods again, I felt major growing pains. My hips are also starting to spread. Weird.

Sorry to be a downer. I'm very depressed right now and am getting angry at the whole situation. I just want to hold our baby and feel better. It seems like so little to ask.


AFC said...

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a diffcult time. I can't imagine, but I hope you get to feeling better soon!

Jennifer said...

You are not a bad infertile! It took me a LONG time to realize this, but you are entitled to bitch and moan about your pregnancy as much as the next woman. With what we have to go through just to conceive a child we should be entitled to easy pregnancies and pain free labor. Feel free to e-mail me ( you should be able to get it from my site) if you need someone to vent to. I really hope things get easier for you soon. In the end it'll all be worth it. *hugs*