Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Finding Hope in the Midst of the Storm

First of all, thank you Commentathon! I've loved hearing from everyone and have had a great time reading so many new blogs! You all are great! Here's to many more success stories!


I've been thinking a lot about something. It started a couple of weeks ago in church. I was up, singing with the praise team, when something caught my eye. My daughter (God it still seems weird to say that...) was singing. Okay, not so weird you say...especially when you have a little girl who adores singing! But she was not just singing. she was praising. I have never seen her do this. She had her eyes closed, her hands lifted and was singing her little heart out. I absolutly lost it.

So here's the thing. I don't believe God does things to people. I don't believe he takes our fertility away just to see what will happen. I don't think he takes our babies and pregnancies away from us....I think biology has a lot to do with that. But here's what I do think:

He can make it better.

Not many people know my kid's story, and I'm not going to share it here for all the world to see. That's too private. But I can say that watching my daughter do what she did is incredible. she has opened her heart so much over the past year. she can trust, she can love, she is safe. OMG she is safe.

You see, me and my kids were kind of in the same situation. Broken. We all hurt. We all felt alone. And somehow....we found each other. And we healed together. I no longer look at my battle with infertility in the same way. No, my treatments didn't work. but look at where I am now. I wouldn't be here if they had. I have four kids. FOUR KIDS! Three of whom needed me just as badly as I needed them.

There is a daily struggle to understand why the world works as it does. Why do we have to struggle? Why is there pain and heartache? I don't know. What I do know is that no matter what, we can heal. It will get better. No matter what is goiing on. Death. Infertility. Hard times. There is an end somewhere. It ended for me. It ended for my kids. And now, we stand firmly together and say I WILL NOT BE BROKEN AGAIN. I CAN BEAT THIS. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. The future is ours. We can all make it what we want it to be. And I think taht is where we find Hope.

9 comments:

jenna said...

I really admire your faith. This all makes sense and I think I needed that reminder. Sometimes IF shakes me in a way where I lose that voice inside that tells me this will all be a bad dream when a baby is finally in my arms.

A.M.S. said...

It is wonderful that you have come through your experience with this sense of strength and "rightness." The struggle with infertility can rob us of so much, it's very reassuring to know that you can find that sense of inner peace.

The Town Criers said...

This is such a beautiful post. I love it.

Michelle said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog. I really liked this post - what a great perspective. And congratulations on your beautiful family!

Tina said...

Your faith is amazing... I am not sure if mine was ever that strong.

Just a beautiful post...

Gwen said...

I absolutely love this post! Beautiful! Thank you for sharing it!

mandolyn said...

Really beautiful.

Faith is a hard thing to truly understand in the midst of infertiilty. I guess it's a hard thing to understand anyway, but you've got a grasp on it, especially through your new family. I love it.

Pamela Jeanne said...

I appreciate your visit to my blog and, like others have commented here, I'm happy that you've found peace and a sense of strength. Clearly you and your children have helped each other in ways both large and small.

KarenO said...

Thanks so much for this post. It just confirms that Life's unfair, but God is good!