I have been devastated to say the least at the prospect of selling our house. Yes it smallish...but I can't help it. I'm in love. We've spent so much time and effort personalizing it. The remodeled kitchen, the paint, the remodeled bath. As you could probably tell from my posts lately, I've been trying to come to terms with a loss. You see, we aren't doing anything by choice. I havn't had a paycheck in months and won't get another one until October (thank you to my school district for taking my job from me because I was sick.) We can't, on our own, keep our house.
I got a call from my mom yesterday morning.
She has found a way to help us pay the mortgage for the next three months.
All we'd need to get back on our feet.
So today, in the evening, we start moving back into our house.
I'd love to start right after church, but it's just too darn hot here.
I'm going home!!!!!!
We won't have internet for a while (to save money) so I'm not sure how often I'll post.
I'll get here as often as I can.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Finding Hope in the Midst of the Storm
First of all, thank you Commentathon! I've loved hearing from everyone and have had a great time reading so many new blogs! You all are great! Here's to many more success stories!
I've been thinking a lot about something. It started a couple of weeks ago in church. I was up, singing with the praise team, when something caught my eye. My daughter (God it still seems weird to say that...) was singing. Okay, not so weird you say...especially when you have a little girl who adores singing! But she was not just singing. she was praising. I have never seen her do this. She had her eyes closed, her hands lifted and was singing her little heart out. I absolutly lost it.
So here's the thing. I don't believe God does things to people. I don't believe he takes our fertility away just to see what will happen. I don't think he takes our babies and pregnancies away from us....I think biology has a lot to do with that. But here's what I do think:
He can make it better.
Not many people know my kid's story, and I'm not going to share it here for all the world to see. That's too private. But I can say that watching my daughter do what she did is incredible. she has opened her heart so much over the past year. she can trust, she can love, she is safe. OMG she is safe.
You see, me and my kids were kind of in the same situation. Broken. We all hurt. We all felt alone. And somehow....we found each other. And we healed together. I no longer look at my battle with infertility in the same way. No, my treatments didn't work. but look at where I am now. I wouldn't be here if they had. I have four kids. FOUR KIDS! Three of whom needed me just as badly as I needed them.
There is a daily struggle to understand why the world works as it does. Why do we have to struggle? Why is there pain and heartache? I don't know. What I do know is that no matter what, we can heal. It will get better. No matter what is goiing on. Death. Infertility. Hard times. There is an end somewhere. It ended for me. It ended for my kids. And now, we stand firmly together and say I WILL NOT BE BROKEN AGAIN. I CAN BEAT THIS. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. The future is ours. We can all make it what we want it to be. And I think taht is where we find Hope.
I've been thinking a lot about something. It started a couple of weeks ago in church. I was up, singing with the praise team, when something caught my eye. My daughter (God it still seems weird to say that...) was singing. Okay, not so weird you say...especially when you have a little girl who adores singing! But she was not just singing. she was praising. I have never seen her do this. She had her eyes closed, her hands lifted and was singing her little heart out. I absolutly lost it.
So here's the thing. I don't believe God does things to people. I don't believe he takes our fertility away just to see what will happen. I don't think he takes our babies and pregnancies away from us....I think biology has a lot to do with that. But here's what I do think:
He can make it better.
Not many people know my kid's story, and I'm not going to share it here for all the world to see. That's too private. But I can say that watching my daughter do what she did is incredible. she has opened her heart so much over the past year. she can trust, she can love, she is safe. OMG she is safe.
You see, me and my kids were kind of in the same situation. Broken. We all hurt. We all felt alone. And somehow....we found each other. And we healed together. I no longer look at my battle with infertility in the same way. No, my treatments didn't work. but look at where I am now. I wouldn't be here if they had. I have four kids. FOUR KIDS! Three of whom needed me just as badly as I needed them.
There is a daily struggle to understand why the world works as it does. Why do we have to struggle? Why is there pain and heartache? I don't know. What I do know is that no matter what, we can heal. It will get better. No matter what is goiing on. Death. Infertility. Hard times. There is an end somewhere. It ended for me. It ended for my kids. And now, we stand firmly together and say I WILL NOT BE BROKEN AGAIN. I CAN BEAT THIS. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. The future is ours. We can all make it what we want it to be. And I think taht is where we find Hope.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Home
So I went and cleaned our house today and as of tomorrow morning, it is listed For Sale. It really helped me to work in there, I was able to find some closure with a lot of things and go through a list of memories...that now make me smile, laugh, cry, and feel and incredible sense of accomplishment.
Moving into the house knowing that we would be starting a family soon.
I remembered the day that I frantically began tearing wall paper down in the bathroom as I was getting ready for the upcoming laparoscopy/hysteroscopy.
The day I replaced the floor in the kitchen. The therapy I used to help heal from the miscarriage.
The day, on the couch, that we decided to adopt and I felt such relief and joy.
The day we brought the kids home and they explored the house...finding their bedrooms, the kitchen...the love.
Painting the kids rooms as we waited to hear the placement date.
Waking up on Saturday mornings to the sound of laughter and bubbling over with joy.
Sitting on the toilet at 1:30 am waiting on a pregnancy test.
Screaming at 1:30 am in the bathroom as the word "Pregnant" shows up.
Making the toilet my best friend as I go through the worlds worst morning sickness.
4 months of bedrest. That couch was my best friend.
Leaving the house at 5:30 am knowing that we would be bringing our newborn son home soon.
And finally, driving up to the house today and hearing Staci say, "Home sweet home!"
I will miss that house and all the memories held there dearly. Luckily, I also hold them in my heart.
Moving into the house knowing that we would be starting a family soon.
I remembered the day that I frantically began tearing wall paper down in the bathroom as I was getting ready for the upcoming laparoscopy/hysteroscopy.
The day I replaced the floor in the kitchen. The therapy I used to help heal from the miscarriage.
The day, on the couch, that we decided to adopt and I felt such relief and joy.
The day we brought the kids home and they explored the house...finding their bedrooms, the kitchen...the love.
Painting the kids rooms as we waited to hear the placement date.
Waking up on Saturday mornings to the sound of laughter and bubbling over with joy.
Sitting on the toilet at 1:30 am waiting on a pregnancy test.
Screaming at 1:30 am in the bathroom as the word "Pregnant" shows up.
Making the toilet my best friend as I go through the worlds worst morning sickness.
4 months of bedrest. That couch was my best friend.
Leaving the house at 5:30 am knowing that we would be bringing our newborn son home soon.
And finally, driving up to the house today and hearing Staci say, "Home sweet home!"
I will miss that house and all the memories held there dearly. Luckily, I also hold them in my heart.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
I'll have "My body sucks" for a thousand, Alex...
Warning: Angry post ahead.
yeah. You know how they say to be really careful right after giving birth because you will be very fertile? Please.
Almost 8 weeks post partum and no sign of my period. No. I'm not breastfeeding. it should have come by now. I've already been told by Dr. G that if I don't get it in a few weeks, I start going in for testing to see what's wrong. Nice.
I'm so lucky to have had Luke. I wonder what would happen if we wanted to try for one more...it may seem weird, looking back at my horrible pregnancy, but I think I would like to do it one more time. I don't know. Maybe it's just that infertility can really mess up your mind. You live to have a baby for so long...then you live to keep the baby inside long enough...it' s like jumping off a cliff. You start asking yourself "now what?" I just wish something could be normal. The only normal part of my pregnancy journey was that I got pregnant at all. Getting there was horrible, staying there was scary...
And then I couldn't breast feed. It was something that I didn't really talk about, but it broke my heart. My stupid breasts are filled with fibrocystic disease. I couldn't get any milk out. I would pump for an hour and only get foam. That's right. Foam.
And now I can't get my body started...AGAIN. SH*&!
So now I'm going to have to go on Prometrium to force a period so that I can go on the pill...
I hate this.
yeah. You know how they say to be really careful right after giving birth because you will be very fertile? Please.
Almost 8 weeks post partum and no sign of my period. No. I'm not breastfeeding. it should have come by now. I've already been told by Dr. G that if I don't get it in a few weeks, I start going in for testing to see what's wrong. Nice.
I'm so lucky to have had Luke. I wonder what would happen if we wanted to try for one more...it may seem weird, looking back at my horrible pregnancy, but I think I would like to do it one more time. I don't know. Maybe it's just that infertility can really mess up your mind. You live to have a baby for so long...then you live to keep the baby inside long enough...it' s like jumping off a cliff. You start asking yourself "now what?" I just wish something could be normal. The only normal part of my pregnancy journey was that I got pregnant at all. Getting there was horrible, staying there was scary...
And then I couldn't breast feed. It was something that I didn't really talk about, but it broke my heart. My stupid breasts are filled with fibrocystic disease. I couldn't get any milk out. I would pump for an hour and only get foam. That's right. Foam.
And now I can't get my body started...AGAIN. SH*&!
So now I'm going to have to go on Prometrium to force a period so that I can go on the pill...
I hate this.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
7 weeks and counting!
Luke turns 7 weeks old today. I can't believe it. He spent his first night out of the basinet and in his crib last night. He LOVED it! I was worried that he might get fussy, but nope! We also spent our first night back at my in-law's house last night. (more to come on that later...)
Luke is now chowing down five ounces per feeding! He has also started cooing and smiling! It's so cute when he smiles. He doesn't have complete control over his face yet, so his smile runs all over the place!! I'm really dreading the two month check up. How am I going to handle him getting shots? I can't stand the idea of it. He now weighs about 11 pounds. Holy guacamole!
Destiny is happy school is out (ha! I start homeschooling her for the summer next week!) She has changed so much. She's starting to turn into a little lady. I think I'll start teaching her how to cook....I think we can start making cakes together! Maybe even some simple entres.
Jon is getting tested at his school for kindergarten today. They like to see where each child stands academically before the year starts. I love the way his school works. They put the kids into reading groups, not just grades. This helps the kids get what they need even if they are a year or two ahead of their class.
Staci is still working on getting used to her new life. She's been testing bounderies a bit, but seems to be feeling better. It must be hard to go from being the baby to being big sister. I try to spend some time with her everyday, but with four kids it's very hard.
And now on to the life change of the week:
Our house will be on the market as of Monday. We are now living with my in-laws. Our house not only got too small, but the school district I work for sucks, so because I was so sick this school year, I basically lost my job and won't see any money until around October. We just can't afford our house right now. So we are selling it (hoping to make a little money to pay off our infertility/horrible pregnancy debt) and will be moving into my in-laws rental house in September when it opens up. So for now, to save money and sell the house, we have moved in with them. Yeah. It's hard. But my in-laws have been so gracious. It makes things a lot easier. The new house we're getting is twice the size of the other one and will have a playroom! I can't think of a theme to paint the playroom yet, but the boy's room will be jungle, the girls will have sunflowers, and their bathroom will be ocean themed. Too fun. I wonder if I could do a school house theme for the playroom......hmmmmm.
Luke is now chowing down five ounces per feeding! He has also started cooing and smiling! It's so cute when he smiles. He doesn't have complete control over his face yet, so his smile runs all over the place!! I'm really dreading the two month check up. How am I going to handle him getting shots? I can't stand the idea of it. He now weighs about 11 pounds. Holy guacamole!
Destiny is happy school is out (ha! I start homeschooling her for the summer next week!) She has changed so much. She's starting to turn into a little lady. I think I'll start teaching her how to cook....I think we can start making cakes together! Maybe even some simple entres.
Jon is getting tested at his school for kindergarten today. They like to see where each child stands academically before the year starts. I love the way his school works. They put the kids into reading groups, not just grades. This helps the kids get what they need even if they are a year or two ahead of their class.
Staci is still working on getting used to her new life. She's been testing bounderies a bit, but seems to be feeling better. It must be hard to go from being the baby to being big sister. I try to spend some time with her everyday, but with four kids it's very hard.
And now on to the life change of the week:
Our house will be on the market as of Monday. We are now living with my in-laws. Our house not only got too small, but the school district I work for sucks, so because I was so sick this school year, I basically lost my job and won't see any money until around October. We just can't afford our house right now. So we are selling it (hoping to make a little money to pay off our infertility/horrible pregnancy debt) and will be moving into my in-laws rental house in September when it opens up. So for now, to save money and sell the house, we have moved in with them. Yeah. It's hard. But my in-laws have been so gracious. It makes things a lot easier. The new house we're getting is twice the size of the other one and will have a playroom! I can't think of a theme to paint the playroom yet, but the boy's room will be jungle, the girls will have sunflowers, and their bathroom will be ocean themed. Too fun. I wonder if I could do a school house theme for the playroom......hmmmmm.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Second Post of the Day.....Battle Scars
As I was soaking in the tub today, I finally found some time to examin my new colony of stretch marks, AKA Battle Scars, and I realized something really cool.
Before I got pregnant, I had three scars on my abdomen from the laparoscopy/hysteroscopy that I had in 2005 to diagnose and treat some of my fertility issues. Get this...I can no longer see those scars. They have been covered by the stretch marks. How cool and symbolic is that. No, I'll never really get over being infertile, but those scars are not really gone. They are just covered, changed to something different. This baby, this miracle has changed me from the inside out. I may still have some scars, but they are not the scars of infertility. They are the scars of pregnancy. They remind me of the battle we fought to get here.
So cool.
Before I got pregnant, I had three scars on my abdomen from the laparoscopy/hysteroscopy that I had in 2005 to diagnose and treat some of my fertility issues. Get this...I can no longer see those scars. They have been covered by the stretch marks. How cool and symbolic is that. No, I'll never really get over being infertile, but those scars are not really gone. They are just covered, changed to something different. This baby, this miracle has changed me from the inside out. I may still have some scars, but they are not the scars of infertility. They are the scars of pregnancy. They remind me of the battle we fought to get here.
So cool.
Uber baby cuteness....
My house is full/busy/loud!!!
So we are moving. Our house is completely too small for us now. So we are full of boxes and messes and our house is torn up! Add three growing children suffering from Spring Fever and an infant and you get quite a mess. I smell like spit up and food. My hair is flat and ugly. My legs are hairy. And I've never been this tired...ever.
LOVING IT!
So We are all doing great. Destiny's last day of school is tomorrow. She is so excited and proud of herself. We're having a barbeque to celebrate her graduation from kindergarten this weekend. She is becoming quite the little princess.
Jon is absolutly in love with Luke. He says they are best friends and kisses him all the time.
Staci is in her torrid threes. She's figuring out what the world is like when you are not the baby of the family.
Luke is great! He still loves the night life (so tired. so so tired. seriously, I'm exhausted.)
Bob should be enlisted in the national guard next week. He's really excited. It'll be hard while he's in boot camp. But I'll be living with family until he gets back so I won't be doing the mom thing alone. This fall, we move into a much bigger house (yahoo!)
So I promised some funnies from the hospital a while ago. Here's a good one.
After I went into preterm labor, I was put on terbutaline and magnesium sulfate while in the hospital. I was also sedated for a while to help relax me. Once I woke up, the labor had stopped and I was taken off the meds and the catheter was pulled out. I was gooey and gross so I decided to take a shower. Now, after all those meds, I could barely stand on my own, so Bob helped me get into the shower and get washed. A few hours later, as I was relaxing on my own, my CNA comes in. She's an older lady with a thick spanish accent...
CNA: Now you just remember....NO SEX!
ME: Yeah, I know. Don't worry.
CNA: I heard you in the shower. Your husband was with you. YOU TELL HIM TO LEAVE YOU ALONE!
ME: OH! But he was just helping me shower!
CNA: DOn't you let him bother you! You have to rest!
And what else could I say?
ME: DOn't worry, I'll tell him!
HA!
So we are moving. Our house is completely too small for us now. So we are full of boxes and messes and our house is torn up! Add three growing children suffering from Spring Fever and an infant and you get quite a mess. I smell like spit up and food. My hair is flat and ugly. My legs are hairy. And I've never been this tired...ever.
LOVING IT!
So We are all doing great. Destiny's last day of school is tomorrow. She is so excited and proud of herself. We're having a barbeque to celebrate her graduation from kindergarten this weekend. She is becoming quite the little princess.
Jon is absolutly in love with Luke. He says they are best friends and kisses him all the time.
Staci is in her torrid threes. She's figuring out what the world is like when you are not the baby of the family.
Luke is great! He still loves the night life (so tired. so so tired. seriously, I'm exhausted.)
Bob should be enlisted in the national guard next week. He's really excited. It'll be hard while he's in boot camp. But I'll be living with family until he gets back so I won't be doing the mom thing alone. This fall, we move into a much bigger house (yahoo!)
So I promised some funnies from the hospital a while ago. Here's a good one.
After I went into preterm labor, I was put on terbutaline and magnesium sulfate while in the hospital. I was also sedated for a while to help relax me. Once I woke up, the labor had stopped and I was taken off the meds and the catheter was pulled out. I was gooey and gross so I decided to take a shower. Now, after all those meds, I could barely stand on my own, so Bob helped me get into the shower and get washed. A few hours later, as I was relaxing on my own, my CNA comes in. She's an older lady with a thick spanish accent...
CNA: Now you just remember....NO SEX!
ME: Yeah, I know. Don't worry.
CNA: I heard you in the shower. Your husband was with you. YOU TELL HIM TO LEAVE YOU ALONE!
ME: OH! But he was just helping me shower!
CNA: DOn't you let him bother you! You have to rest!
And what else could I say?
ME: DOn't worry, I'll tell him!
HA!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
What a month!
Where do I even start?
Luke is here and doing great! It's been the most wonderful adventure and we couldn't be happier.
I was induced on April 25. (apparently, it often happens that women who have pre term labor shut down and don't go into labor alone after being on all those meds...) We started pitocin at about 7:30 am. By about noon, I was on the highest dose they will give and was STILL only in false labor. Oh my contractions were regular and in a good pattern....but they were doing NOTHING! My nurse told me that it probably wouldn't work and unless I had a c section, I was probably not going to have my baby that day. I was devastated to say the least.
Luckily, my doc came in at 2:30 to check me...I was still 3 cm dialated but 90% effaced and at a -2 station...so he broke my water. Literally a minute later labor started. I was in active strong labor within half an hour. And then I got stupid. I was trying to have the baby without any pain killers. What I didn't think about was that this was not a natural labor. By 5:00 I was dying. Luckily I had a great support system set up. My mom and best friend really helped me breath through my contractions. What we didn't know was that I was already in transition.
I got my epidural at 6:00 ( God bless the person who invented that gem). As soon as it was in, I passed out. I woke up at about 7:00 feeling weird. I had no pain but just felt funky. My doc came in and I told him how I felt so he checked me. Through a very thick fog, I heard him say "Wow. He's right there! It's time to push!"
We started pushing at 7:30 and Luke was born at 7:49! It was soooo easy! I thought I was going to have trouble pushing because of the epidural...but LUke just slipped on out! He weighed 6 lbs 8 oz (apparently the ultra sounds were wrong in estimating his weight) and was 18 inches long. He has my red hair!!!!
Our recovery went very well. Straight out of recovery I ate a large burger and fries! No more nausea!!!!!!! The hyperemesis was gone the instant I gave birth. I haven't taken any meds (besides ibuprofin) since! No phenergan, no zofran, no terbutaline, no magnesium!!! Nothing!!! I had a second degree tear that had to be stitched up but it hasn't even hurt.
Luke is doing great. He already weighs 8 lbs now and is 20 inches long!! He already has his one month check up next week. We weren't able to be successful at breast feeding, so he is on formula. But he doesn't have any colic issues and is a very calm baby (for the most part!) He loves the night life (I'm going on little sleep here) and is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. He truely is a miracle. It took years just to conceive him. Then we suffered through a horrific sickness that could have really hurt us both. And then, just when we were almost in the clear, I go into preterm labor and Luke almost spends the first few weeks of his life in the NICU. But here we are, healthy and happy. ANd life couldn't be better.
I have my first post natal appointment tomorrow. I'm sure we'll just fly in and out.
Thanks everyone for all your thoughts and prayers!!!
Luke is here and doing great! It's been the most wonderful adventure and we couldn't be happier.
I was induced on April 25. (apparently, it often happens that women who have pre term labor shut down and don't go into labor alone after being on all those meds...) We started pitocin at about 7:30 am. By about noon, I was on the highest dose they will give and was STILL only in false labor. Oh my contractions were regular and in a good pattern....but they were doing NOTHING! My nurse told me that it probably wouldn't work and unless I had a c section, I was probably not going to have my baby that day. I was devastated to say the least.
Luckily, my doc came in at 2:30 to check me...I was still 3 cm dialated but 90% effaced and at a -2 station...so he broke my water. Literally a minute later labor started. I was in active strong labor within half an hour. And then I got stupid. I was trying to have the baby without any pain killers. What I didn't think about was that this was not a natural labor. By 5:00 I was dying. Luckily I had a great support system set up. My mom and best friend really helped me breath through my contractions. What we didn't know was that I was already in transition.
I got my epidural at 6:00 ( God bless the person who invented that gem). As soon as it was in, I passed out. I woke up at about 7:00 feeling weird. I had no pain but just felt funky. My doc came in and I told him how I felt so he checked me. Through a very thick fog, I heard him say "Wow. He's right there! It's time to push!"
We started pushing at 7:30 and Luke was born at 7:49! It was soooo easy! I thought I was going to have trouble pushing because of the epidural...but LUke just slipped on out! He weighed 6 lbs 8 oz (apparently the ultra sounds were wrong in estimating his weight) and was 18 inches long. He has my red hair!!!!
Our recovery went very well. Straight out of recovery I ate a large burger and fries! No more nausea!!!!!!! The hyperemesis was gone the instant I gave birth. I haven't taken any meds (besides ibuprofin) since! No phenergan, no zofran, no terbutaline, no magnesium!!! Nothing!!! I had a second degree tear that had to be stitched up but it hasn't even hurt.
Luke is doing great. He already weighs 8 lbs now and is 20 inches long!! He already has his one month check up next week. We weren't able to be successful at breast feeding, so he is on formula. But he doesn't have any colic issues and is a very calm baby (for the most part!) He loves the night life (I'm going on little sleep here) and is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. He truely is a miracle. It took years just to conceive him. Then we suffered through a horrific sickness that could have really hurt us both. And then, just when we were almost in the clear, I go into preterm labor and Luke almost spends the first few weeks of his life in the NICU. But here we are, healthy and happy. ANd life couldn't be better.
I have my first post natal appointment tomorrow. I'm sure we'll just fly in and out.
Thanks everyone for all your thoughts and prayers!!!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Well, Crap.
Been having a hard time getting onto blogger....
So things were going really well last time I posted...and then I realized I had spoken way too soon.
At 31 weeks, 3 days, I went into preterm labor. I woke up that morning (a Sunday) and just didn't feel right. I wasn't in any pain, but was having what I thought were braxton hicks contractions. After about an hour and a quart of water, my doctor told me to go on in to labor and delivery. By the time I got there, I was 50% effaced and dialated 1 centimenter. After two shots of terbutaline that didn't work, I was admitted. Two more shots of terb later, it was decided that I needed to be on magnesium sulfate. Monday morning, I was put on the mag IV and got a beautiful catheter (to keep me from moving much as this stuff can do funky things to you.) After 24 hours, my labor had stalled, so I was able to get off the mag and back on the terb. Contractions came back a little Tuesday evening, so I was sedated (to help relax me and the contractions.) Mid day on Wednesday, I was sent home with a prescription for terbutaline and a mild sedative for when things get ugly. And of course...to bed rest. By Thursday night, the contractions were five minutes apart, so my dose of terb was upped. However, my heartrate decided to stay at 140 for a couple of days. I went back in to L & D to check on Luke as the meds were making him feel like crap too Sunday ( one week from when the whole ordeal started.) I was taken off the terb and put on magnesium oxide.
Last Friday morning, I lost part of my mucous plug. My doctor had told me to call if this happened as it could be a sign of further dialation, so I did. I'm told by the nurse to RUN to L & D. I get there and the nurse treated me like sh**. She didn't understand why I was there as I wasn't even really contracting. Come to find out, the nurse at the doctors office had told him I was BLEEDING. (smacks hand on forehead)
WELL...while we are there, I start contracting. HEAVILY. The nurse freaks out and gives me a shot of the terb. (my body just laughs at this point) An hour later, contractions are yet again 5 minutes apart. Another shot.
After 6 freaking hours there, I'm finally sent home with orders to take BOTH magnesium oxide and terbutaline. (those sedatives are becoming my friend.)
I hit 34 weeks today. I also had a doctor's appointment today and it seems like all is well. What contractions I am having are not doing anything, Luke looks great. It's estimated that he weighs 6 pounds right now (holy cow.) I only have two more weeks of bedrest (thank God, I'm going crazy.) Then Luke can come whenever he wants.
I've got some funny stories to tell of family and nurses and hospital stays...but I'll get to those later. Luke is hungry and I've got a large tub of yogurt calling my name!
Hugs to all.
So things were going really well last time I posted...and then I realized I had spoken way too soon.
At 31 weeks, 3 days, I went into preterm labor. I woke up that morning (a Sunday) and just didn't feel right. I wasn't in any pain, but was having what I thought were braxton hicks contractions. After about an hour and a quart of water, my doctor told me to go on in to labor and delivery. By the time I got there, I was 50% effaced and dialated 1 centimenter. After two shots of terbutaline that didn't work, I was admitted. Two more shots of terb later, it was decided that I needed to be on magnesium sulfate. Monday morning, I was put on the mag IV and got a beautiful catheter (to keep me from moving much as this stuff can do funky things to you.) After 24 hours, my labor had stalled, so I was able to get off the mag and back on the terb. Contractions came back a little Tuesday evening, so I was sedated (to help relax me and the contractions.) Mid day on Wednesday, I was sent home with a prescription for terbutaline and a mild sedative for when things get ugly. And of course...to bed rest. By Thursday night, the contractions were five minutes apart, so my dose of terb was upped. However, my heartrate decided to stay at 140 for a couple of days. I went back in to L & D to check on Luke as the meds were making him feel like crap too Sunday ( one week from when the whole ordeal started.) I was taken off the terb and put on magnesium oxide.
Last Friday morning, I lost part of my mucous plug. My doctor had told me to call if this happened as it could be a sign of further dialation, so I did. I'm told by the nurse to RUN to L & D. I get there and the nurse treated me like sh**. She didn't understand why I was there as I wasn't even really contracting. Come to find out, the nurse at the doctors office had told him I was BLEEDING. (smacks hand on forehead)
WELL...while we are there, I start contracting. HEAVILY. The nurse freaks out and gives me a shot of the terb. (my body just laughs at this point) An hour later, contractions are yet again 5 minutes apart. Another shot.
After 6 freaking hours there, I'm finally sent home with orders to take BOTH magnesium oxide and terbutaline. (those sedatives are becoming my friend.)
I hit 34 weeks today. I also had a doctor's appointment today and it seems like all is well. What contractions I am having are not doing anything, Luke looks great. It's estimated that he weighs 6 pounds right now (holy cow.) I only have two more weeks of bedrest (thank God, I'm going crazy.) Then Luke can come whenever he wants.
I've got some funny stories to tell of family and nurses and hospital stays...but I'll get to those later. Luke is hungry and I've got a large tub of yogurt calling my name!
Hugs to all.
Well, Crap.
Been having a hard time getting onto blogger....
So things were going really well last time I posted...and then I realized I had spoken way too soon.
At 31 weeks, 3 days, I went into preterm labor. I woke up that morning (a Sunday) and just didn't feel right. I wasn't in any pain, but was having what I thought were braxton hicks contractions. After about an hour and a quart of water, my doctor told me to go on in to labor and delivery. By the time I got there, I was 50% effaced and dialated 1 centimenter. After two shots of terbutaline that didn't work, I was admitted. Two more shots of terb later, it was decided that I needed to be on magnesium sulfate. Monday morning, I was put on the mag IV and got a beautiful catheter (to keep me from moving much as this stuff can do funky things to you.) After 24 hours, my labor had stalled, so I was able to get off the mag and back on the terb. Contractions came back a little Tuesday evening, so I was sedated (to help relax me and the contractions.) Mid day on Wednesday, I was sent home with a prescription for terbutaline and a mild sedative for when things get ugly. And of course...to bed rest. By Thursday night, the contractions were five minutes apart, so my dose of terb was upped. However, my heartrate decided to stay at 140 for a couple of days. I went back in to L & D to check on Luke as the meds were making him feel like crap too Sunday ( one week from when the whole ordeal started.) I was taken off the terb and put on magnesium oxide.
Last Friday morning, I lost part of my mucous plug. My doctor had told me to call if this happened as it could be a sign of further dialation, so I did. I'm told by the nurse to RUN to L & D. I get there and the nurse treated me like sh**. She didn't understand why I was there as I wasn't even really contracting. Come to find out, the nurse at the doctors office had told him I was BLEEDING. (smacks hand on forehead)
WELL...while we are there, I start contracting. HEAVILY. The nurse freaks out and gives me a shot of the terb. (my body just laughs at this point) An hour later, contractions are yet again 5 minutes apart. Another shot.
After 6 freaking hours there, I'm finally sent home with orders to take BOTH magnesium oxide and terbutaline. (those sedatives are becoming my friend.)
I hit 34 weeks today. I also had a doctor's appointment today and it seems like all is well. What contractions I am having are not doing anything, Luke looks great. It's estimated that he weighs 6 pounds right now (holy cow.) I only have two more weeks of bedrest (thank God, I'm going crazy.) Then Luke can come whenever he wants.
I've got some funny stories to tell of family and nurses and hospital stays...but I'll get to those later. Luke is hungry and I've got a large tub of yogurt calling my name!
Hugs to all.
So things were going really well last time I posted...and then I realized I had spoken way too soon.
At 31 weeks, 3 days, I went into preterm labor. I woke up that morning (a Sunday) and just didn't feel right. I wasn't in any pain, but was having what I thought were braxton hicks contractions. After about an hour and a quart of water, my doctor told me to go on in to labor and delivery. By the time I got there, I was 50% effaced and dialated 1 centimenter. After two shots of terbutaline that didn't work, I was admitted. Two more shots of terb later, it was decided that I needed to be on magnesium sulfate. Monday morning, I was put on the mag IV and got a beautiful catheter (to keep me from moving much as this stuff can do funky things to you.) After 24 hours, my labor had stalled, so I was able to get off the mag and back on the terb. Contractions came back a little Tuesday evening, so I was sedated (to help relax me and the contractions.) Mid day on Wednesday, I was sent home with a prescription for terbutaline and a mild sedative for when things get ugly. And of course...to bed rest. By Thursday night, the contractions were five minutes apart, so my dose of terb was upped. However, my heartrate decided to stay at 140 for a couple of days. I went back in to L & D to check on Luke as the meds were making him feel like crap too Sunday ( one week from when the whole ordeal started.) I was taken off the terb and put on magnesium oxide.
Last Friday morning, I lost part of my mucous plug. My doctor had told me to call if this happened as it could be a sign of further dialation, so I did. I'm told by the nurse to RUN to L & D. I get there and the nurse treated me like sh**. She didn't understand why I was there as I wasn't even really contracting. Come to find out, the nurse at the doctors office had told him I was BLEEDING. (smacks hand on forehead)
WELL...while we are there, I start contracting. HEAVILY. The nurse freaks out and gives me a shot of the terb. (my body just laughs at this point) An hour later, contractions are yet again 5 minutes apart. Another shot.
After 6 freaking hours there, I'm finally sent home with orders to take BOTH magnesium oxide and terbutaline. (those sedatives are becoming my friend.)
I hit 34 weeks today. I also had a doctor's appointment today and it seems like all is well. What contractions I am having are not doing anything, Luke looks great. It's estimated that he weighs 6 pounds right now (holy cow.) I only have two more weeks of bedrest (thank God, I'm going crazy.) Then Luke can come whenever he wants.
I've got some funny stories to tell of family and nurses and hospital stays...but I'll get to those later. Luke is hungry and I've got a large tub of yogurt calling my name!
Hugs to all.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
63 Days and Counting!
Hit 31 weeks today. I can't believe it's getting so close. I have had a nice relapse back into Hyperemesis, but as long as I am dilegent about my meds, I can control it. I just can't wait to hold Luke for the first time. I'm starting to discover that he gets very still and quiet on days he has growth spurts..so I don't freak out as much as I used to when I don't feel him squirm around for a while. I've only had some Braxton Hicks contractions (not too bad so far.) No signs of a premie birth! Yahoo.
We have an ARD for Jon on Friday. The school is going to have to explain to me why it is that he did not qualify for speech therapy. It may be a bit of an ugly one...
Staci's been holding onto a fever the past 4 days or so. She's got a nice viral infection, so we're just trying to wait it out and keep her on motrin and tylenol for the fever. She's not eating very well...but I'm sure she'll catch up when she's feeling better.
Destiny is still learning to control her emotions. She had a tantrum at school yesterday. She was playing T-ball at p.e. and when she missed the ball, threw the bat as hard as she could and started screaming and crying. So we had a talk about being a good sport and just trying again. We may have issues with her controlling her temper.....all normal considering what she's been through.
Bobby is looking at some serious life changes in the next few months. He may be joining the National Guard this summer (Hooah) I'm really excited for him. It may be hard to have him gone on basic training (and then officers school) but it'll be worth it. He's also decided (once he's comfortably in the guard) to go back to school. He wants to teach and coach football. I love that he's got new dreams.
He decided to do this because he's discovered over the past few months the sacrifice it takes to be a manager in retail. Never being home, not being able to go to my doctor's appointments, not seeing the kids, and working 11 hours a day is hard...I can't wait to see him reaching for his new goals.
I love a good adventure (in case you can't tell!)
We have an ARD for Jon on Friday. The school is going to have to explain to me why it is that he did not qualify for speech therapy. It may be a bit of an ugly one...
Staci's been holding onto a fever the past 4 days or so. She's got a nice viral infection, so we're just trying to wait it out and keep her on motrin and tylenol for the fever. She's not eating very well...but I'm sure she'll catch up when she's feeling better.
Destiny is still learning to control her emotions. She had a tantrum at school yesterday. She was playing T-ball at p.e. and when she missed the ball, threw the bat as hard as she could and started screaming and crying. So we had a talk about being a good sport and just trying again. We may have issues with her controlling her temper.....all normal considering what she's been through.
Bobby is looking at some serious life changes in the next few months. He may be joining the National Guard this summer (Hooah) I'm really excited for him. It may be hard to have him gone on basic training (and then officers school) but it'll be worth it. He's also decided (once he's comfortably in the guard) to go back to school. He wants to teach and coach football. I love that he's got new dreams.
He decided to do this because he's discovered over the past few months the sacrifice it takes to be a manager in retail. Never being home, not being able to go to my doctor's appointments, not seeing the kids, and working 11 hours a day is hard...I can't wait to see him reaching for his new goals.
I love a good adventure (in case you can't tell!)
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Holy Cow, I need to post more often,,,,
So, it's been two weeks since we finalized our adoption. The kids are doing great and loving that they are now ours! Destiny has been testing us a bit...you know, "Let's see if you still love me when I do this!" Type of stuff, but it's not more than we can handle. She's such a doll and when she misbehaves, it's hard to not laugh it off. I love that kid!
We are now in week 30 of the pregnancy and all continues to go well. Luke moves a lot and I love to feel him squirm around. The kids have all gotten to feeel him move and they just giggle and laugh! Jon even kissed my belly! He's not one for showing emotion, so this was a big thing for him. I can't believe my due date is only 10 weeks away. I can't wait to hold our baby!
And now for my topic of choice today....and I know I'm going to tick some people off, so please remember this is my own opinion. I am not in any way questioning the idea, just the way it is being discussed...
Have you heard about the possible uterus transplant that a hospital in New York has in the works? I read an article about it and to be quite honest, it really ticked me off. They labeled the infertile woman as "defective." DEFECTIVE! As though we are a piece of equipment that needs to be replaced. (Now remember, I'm questioning this person's word choices, not ideas...)
So let's take a quick look at this. Your target audience is women who have struggled for a lifetime to reach the goal of having a baby. They have cried, screamed, mourned, and tortured their bodies to the point of extreme hurt and exhaustion so that they can be called defective. For someone working to "help" these women, you deserve a quick kick in the pants. How dare you take someone's pain and misery and then call them defective. How dare you make someone who already hurts and feels miserable and add to that. How dare you make someone feel even worse than they already do.
I find this as yet another way people who have never struggled infertility just don't get it. They just don't understand how it feels...and they don't educate themselves on the human aspect of it all. It sucks to know that it's your fault you can't make or keep a baby. I thought many times about how much I sucked because my body didn't perform the most human of all tasks...and then to read that someone has called fellow infertiles "defective' really ticks me off.
I really and truely hope and pray that someday, infertility will become something easier to treat. I hope that medical science can get to a place where a woman doesn't have to struggle for years and years to have a baby. I wait for the day when women don't break down in the bathroom after starting their periods. But I could never take treatments from someone who labeled me as this person did. I am not a machine. Educate yourselves people...that's the only way to reach a person hurting as much as the infertile does.
End of rant....
We are now in week 30 of the pregnancy and all continues to go well. Luke moves a lot and I love to feel him squirm around. The kids have all gotten to feeel him move and they just giggle and laugh! Jon even kissed my belly! He's not one for showing emotion, so this was a big thing for him. I can't believe my due date is only 10 weeks away. I can't wait to hold our baby!
And now for my topic of choice today....and I know I'm going to tick some people off, so please remember this is my own opinion. I am not in any way questioning the idea, just the way it is being discussed...
Have you heard about the possible uterus transplant that a hospital in New York has in the works? I read an article about it and to be quite honest, it really ticked me off. They labeled the infertile woman as "defective." DEFECTIVE! As though we are a piece of equipment that needs to be replaced. (Now remember, I'm questioning this person's word choices, not ideas...)
So let's take a quick look at this. Your target audience is women who have struggled for a lifetime to reach the goal of having a baby. They have cried, screamed, mourned, and tortured their bodies to the point of extreme hurt and exhaustion so that they can be called defective. For someone working to "help" these women, you deserve a quick kick in the pants. How dare you take someone's pain and misery and then call them defective. How dare you make someone who already hurts and feels miserable and add to that. How dare you make someone feel even worse than they already do.
I find this as yet another way people who have never struggled infertility just don't get it. They just don't understand how it feels...and they don't educate themselves on the human aspect of it all. It sucks to know that it's your fault you can't make or keep a baby. I thought many times about how much I sucked because my body didn't perform the most human of all tasks...and then to read that someone has called fellow infertiles "defective' really ticks me off.
I really and truely hope and pray that someday, infertility will become something easier to treat. I hope that medical science can get to a place where a woman doesn't have to struggle for years and years to have a baby. I wait for the day when women don't break down in the bathroom after starting their periods. But I could never take treatments from someone who labeled me as this person did. I am not a machine. Educate yourselves people...that's the only way to reach a person hurting as much as the infertile does.
End of rant....
Monday, January 29, 2007
Forever....
The word 'forever' has been on my mind a lot lately. Mostly because we finally, after all the waiting and waiting, watching and fighting, we have a court date!!! We will finalize the adoption of our children on Valentines Day. It's going to be a great day! It just so happens that our good friends will be celebrating the adoption of their son on the same day, in the same court, right after us!! I can't wait until this whole thing is finally done and over with.
So back to my word of the day:
The Random House Websters College Dictionary says that forever means "without ever ending...always."
As of Valentines Day, our kids will be ours 'forever."
We will be a forever family...
Nothing will ever separate us or come between us as a family.
So I finally have a forum to talk about something that has bothered me for a long time.
I have read elsewhere, in other blogs and forums, people critisizing the use of the phrase "forever family." It has been referred to as "corney" and "silly." It has been said that it just sounds too sappy. Well, that might be for some people, but for many, it is a phrase that means the world to them.
When our kids first came home, we were asked almost daily for the first two months if they were going to get to live with us "forever." These kids had been ripped away from not just one, but two homes. They had been moved hundreds of miles away from everything they had ever known. And all they wanted was to know that it would never happen again. And every once in a while, Destiny will say something like, "we get to stay with you forever, right mommy?"
Forever; always. Yes, baby, you get to stay with us forever. We are a forever family. You will never know that kind of heart ache again. You will never need to say good bye to us. We will 'always' be your mommy and daddy. And once that judge decrees it, we never have to look back.
You see, many people might find the use of the term 'forever family' silly, but to me and my children, it brings a sense of hope and security. To many children, it means never having to grieve another loss of family, it means they are safe in the arms of mom and dad.
And in just a couple of short weeks, we can finally call ourselves a forever family.
I like that word. Forever.
Did you know that in the Jewish tradition, biological children can be disowned but an adopted child can't? They are with that family forever, no matter what. No matter what they do, no matter where they go, they are always a part of that family. How awesome is that? A child who had nothing will always have something.
Adoption rocks.
And so does the word forever.
So back to my word of the day:
The Random House Websters College Dictionary says that forever means "without ever ending...always."
As of Valentines Day, our kids will be ours 'forever."
We will be a forever family...
Nothing will ever separate us or come between us as a family.
So I finally have a forum to talk about something that has bothered me for a long time.
I have read elsewhere, in other blogs and forums, people critisizing the use of the phrase "forever family." It has been referred to as "corney" and "silly." It has been said that it just sounds too sappy. Well, that might be for some people, but for many, it is a phrase that means the world to them.
When our kids first came home, we were asked almost daily for the first two months if they were going to get to live with us "forever." These kids had been ripped away from not just one, but two homes. They had been moved hundreds of miles away from everything they had ever known. And all they wanted was to know that it would never happen again. And every once in a while, Destiny will say something like, "we get to stay with you forever, right mommy?"
Forever; always. Yes, baby, you get to stay with us forever. We are a forever family. You will never know that kind of heart ache again. You will never need to say good bye to us. We will 'always' be your mommy and daddy. And once that judge decrees it, we never have to look back.
You see, many people might find the use of the term 'forever family' silly, but to me and my children, it brings a sense of hope and security. To many children, it means never having to grieve another loss of family, it means they are safe in the arms of mom and dad.
And in just a couple of short weeks, we can finally call ourselves a forever family.
I like that word. Forever.
Did you know that in the Jewish tradition, biological children can be disowned but an adopted child can't? They are with that family forever, no matter what. No matter what they do, no matter where they go, they are always a part of that family. How awesome is that? A child who had nothing will always have something.
Adoption rocks.
And so does the word forever.
Monday, January 15, 2007
24 weeks!
Well, we're just about to hit 24 weeks!!!! I hate to sound morbid, but I love that I'm getting so far along. If something were to go wrong and I'd have to give birth, Luke has a much better chance at surviving and thriving.
I have my next doctor's appointment in 2 weeks and then another ultrasound in 4. He tends to make me nervous since he's not a big mover and shaker. I'm hoping this means he'll be a calm baby...
I had a bit of a relapse this weekend. Got real sick with tons of vomiting. I seem to be feeling better now. Poor Luke got quite upset during the vomiting episodes. I have to say it was a strange feeling to be throwing up and feeling Luke move around at the same time.
We've finally started collecting baby stuff. I was so scared for so long that I refused to buy anything for him. We now have some clothes, a bouncer, and his basinet! I love laying down on the couch staring at it. I still can't believe we're collecting baby stuff! I never thought I would see this day. Even when I got the positive pregnancy test, I just didn't think it would last. But my Mom did. She told me right away that this baby was meant to be and that he would be fine. She even knew, from the first time she saw me pregnant, that it was a boy. She could tell. My mom can always tell with me. And now I'm starting to believe her. I'm starting to believe that in a few months, I'll bring home a healthy baby boy.
On the adoption front, we got all our paper work into the attorney's office. We've had to put it off for so long due to the illness, but now we're full speed ahead! We're just waiting for the court date now...hopefully it won't take too long. I can't wait to get this whole thing done and over with. I'll be so happy when we're done building our family and can start living!
Well, not much more to say...except I'm going to try doing prenatal yoga today....wish me luck! Bobby's gonna watch and laugh.
I have my next doctor's appointment in 2 weeks and then another ultrasound in 4. He tends to make me nervous since he's not a big mover and shaker. I'm hoping this means he'll be a calm baby...
I had a bit of a relapse this weekend. Got real sick with tons of vomiting. I seem to be feeling better now. Poor Luke got quite upset during the vomiting episodes. I have to say it was a strange feeling to be throwing up and feeling Luke move around at the same time.
We've finally started collecting baby stuff. I was so scared for so long that I refused to buy anything for him. We now have some clothes, a bouncer, and his basinet! I love laying down on the couch staring at it. I still can't believe we're collecting baby stuff! I never thought I would see this day. Even when I got the positive pregnancy test, I just didn't think it would last. But my Mom did. She told me right away that this baby was meant to be and that he would be fine. She even knew, from the first time she saw me pregnant, that it was a boy. She could tell. My mom can always tell with me. And now I'm starting to believe her. I'm starting to believe that in a few months, I'll bring home a healthy baby boy.
On the adoption front, we got all our paper work into the attorney's office. We've had to put it off for so long due to the illness, but now we're full speed ahead! We're just waiting for the court date now...hopefully it won't take too long. I can't wait to get this whole thing done and over with. I'll be so happy when we're done building our family and can start living!
Well, not much more to say...except I'm going to try doing prenatal yoga today....wish me luck! Bobby's gonna watch and laugh.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
2007!
Okay, so I'll start this post with the teary eyed moment of the week:
We watched "Robin Hood: Prince of Theives" last night out of sheer Kevin Costner nostalgia. When the movie ended, the ever romantic Bryan Adams song "Everything I do, I do it for You" came on. Staci runs up to Bobby holds her arms up and says, "daddy! Dance!" So Bobby picks her up, starts to dance and sing to her, and I of course start crying my eyes out. It was so sweet. Staci just put her head on his shoulder and smiled as he sang to her. When the song was over, he put her down, walked into the kitchen, and almost cried. I don't think our hearts could have been fuller. I wanted to just live in that moment forever. *sigh*
So I've spent a lot of my new year thinking about the past and new beginnings. When 2006 began, we were starting over. We stopped the drugs and the treatments and the heartache and moved into a new light. And now, a year later, we have yet another new beginning on our hands. Our attorney is working on getting a court date for the finalization...we had to put it on hold while I was ill. I just can't wait until our kids can share not only our love, but our name as well. There's no doubt in my mind that these are our kids. They have totally taken over my heart and soul. I may be impatient sometimes, I may get frustrated, I may call my Mom asking for help for the afternoon sometimes, but I wouldn't want anything different for my life. It's just the way I imagined my perfect dream life to be.
I'm so incredibly thankful for all that I have. I came from a broken home, a single mom who worked and slaved to help us survive, and always knew that I wanted something different for my kids. I promised myself that I would get my education and marry someone who would be a great father. I told Bobby the instant he started talking marriage that he better decide if he really wants to marry me, because divorce was not in my future. I fell in love with him partly because of the love I saw between him and his father. I made a better future for myself...never knowing that together we would make a better home for my precious babies. I worked so hard for so long...and it was so worth it. I have an education and a job. I have my own house. Good cars. A terrific husband. I am so blessed to be able to give my children everything I missed. I always had food on the table and the love of my mom, but something was missing. And I thank God everyday that my kids never have to worry about how their dad feels about them. They know that they are his world. He loves them so much. He is a great Dad. I will always have the burden of knowing my Dad didn't want me around. But my kids will NEVER have to feel that. They are loved.
So I'm looking at 2007 as yet another start for not only my family but for myself. My goal for this year is to grow as a mom and as a person. I hope to continue on my path to a better life, a happy family, and a strong marriage. I believe that I can make my life what I want it to be...and I want to teach my children the same thing. Their lives are blank slates ready to be written on, and it will say whatever they want it to.
So here's to all the kids out there who are feeling lonely, left out, scared, and wondering what their lives will bring. It's up to you to make a change; and you can do anything you set your mind to.
We watched "Robin Hood: Prince of Theives" last night out of sheer Kevin Costner nostalgia. When the movie ended, the ever romantic Bryan Adams song "Everything I do, I do it for You" came on. Staci runs up to Bobby holds her arms up and says, "daddy! Dance!" So Bobby picks her up, starts to dance and sing to her, and I of course start crying my eyes out. It was so sweet. Staci just put her head on his shoulder and smiled as he sang to her. When the song was over, he put her down, walked into the kitchen, and almost cried. I don't think our hearts could have been fuller. I wanted to just live in that moment forever. *sigh*
So I've spent a lot of my new year thinking about the past and new beginnings. When 2006 began, we were starting over. We stopped the drugs and the treatments and the heartache and moved into a new light. And now, a year later, we have yet another new beginning on our hands. Our attorney is working on getting a court date for the finalization...we had to put it on hold while I was ill. I just can't wait until our kids can share not only our love, but our name as well. There's no doubt in my mind that these are our kids. They have totally taken over my heart and soul. I may be impatient sometimes, I may get frustrated, I may call my Mom asking for help for the afternoon sometimes, but I wouldn't want anything different for my life. It's just the way I imagined my perfect dream life to be.
I'm so incredibly thankful for all that I have. I came from a broken home, a single mom who worked and slaved to help us survive, and always knew that I wanted something different for my kids. I promised myself that I would get my education and marry someone who would be a great father. I told Bobby the instant he started talking marriage that he better decide if he really wants to marry me, because divorce was not in my future. I fell in love with him partly because of the love I saw between him and his father. I made a better future for myself...never knowing that together we would make a better home for my precious babies. I worked so hard for so long...and it was so worth it. I have an education and a job. I have my own house. Good cars. A terrific husband. I am so blessed to be able to give my children everything I missed. I always had food on the table and the love of my mom, but something was missing. And I thank God everyday that my kids never have to worry about how their dad feels about them. They know that they are his world. He loves them so much. He is a great Dad. I will always have the burden of knowing my Dad didn't want me around. But my kids will NEVER have to feel that. They are loved.
So I'm looking at 2007 as yet another start for not only my family but for myself. My goal for this year is to grow as a mom and as a person. I hope to continue on my path to a better life, a happy family, and a strong marriage. I believe that I can make my life what I want it to be...and I want to teach my children the same thing. Their lives are blank slates ready to be written on, and it will say whatever they want it to.
So here's to all the kids out there who are feeling lonely, left out, scared, and wondering what their lives will bring. It's up to you to make a change; and you can do anything you set your mind to.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
